I turned 50

This has been a big year for me. It was one of those ground breaking and moving kind of years. In the back of my mind I kept thinking “say it ain’t so”. But in true fashion it happened, I don’t feel like it is but the calendar does not lie. I turned the big 50 a momentus way. A little grayer, and yes I’m not ashamed of my grey highlights:)♡♡

Its hard to believe, and with all the busyness of lifes going ons between the hurricane, farming and a bitersweet trip home to Ontario and a cold, it all just sort of happened quite fast. I didnt really get a chance to think about life until I had chance to sit. So I guess a lot of the musing of life started on the trip to Ontario, post bday several days.

This big momentus birthday was spent with the love of my life. No one else just him. The well wishes came in from all over the world and from those who are dear and close, family and friends. Yes, I split wood on my big day, it was fun:) with my honey.

When you know you are going to see family under the circumstances for which we did it is mixed with happiness and sadeness. But it was truly beautiful to see everyone. I was looking forward to connect with family and catch up on lost time. There was stuff that happened that I didn’t expect that made my heart sad but then there was stuff that happened that I embraced and enjoyed. It really caused me to think about how everything changes. Life changes everyone, it changes relationships good and bad it changes how we react to each other, it changes how we view each other, it changes what was once close and important to one that is just on the surface. The time gave me a chance to embrace feelings that I can’t change. It was also a time of new discoveries and new relationships, realizations of what might be missed but is going to be sweet.

I did a lot of musing on our trip home, we had such beautiful weather. In my private thoughts thiking about conversations, and events, I had a lot to think about. Watching the beautiful colours of the season driving through northern New Brunswick thinking about where I am in life, what I want to purposely do differently, what relationships I pour into and which ones I will lay to rest. Which things I have not done yet and I will do because I just will:)

I have decided that I will be purposeful in many ways because at this pont you have too. This excites me and I can’t wait to start, one day at a time. God gives us today, tomorrow is a gift. What will we do with today.

I am greatful for what I have and the discoveries made and what is to hope for. I am excited for the new things I’m gonna do.

I am excited about new ventures and just life itself, not gonna let stuff hold me back. You just can’t let failed relationships hold you back, you move forward in hopes that tomorrow will be different because you make it different♡♡

So we had some good food, great conversations and just not a long enough visit to get everyone in. We had a beautiful visit with awesome friends and I was just so touched by how God comes in and restores hurt people, it was so beautiful to see peace and God’s presence in that life . It was so awseome to catch up but also feel like no time has passed as you pick up as if you have not been away. GOD IS GOOD Oh yes, a special shout out to Ry, I am so proud of you. You have grown up into such an awesome Young Man of God. So glad we had our time together, I really enjoyed our conversations.

So if I get another day, week, month, year or years I will make the most of it and make it the best ever years no matter what comes our way.

We listened to a bunch of praise and worship music on holidays and there is a couple songs that really speak to me one that today really speaks is the reckless love the one with Corey Asbury with the story behind the song. I am so glad for Gods reckless love for us, His creation, His children. If one goes missing He searches for that one, whether we deserve it or not to bring that lost soul back home.

Over the years I am greatful that God has humbly used me. I know that at times the message was not well received by those he spoke to through me, but I do not apologize because God is a God of love and when we need to hear from Him we don’t always want to know we have done wrong. But when we humbly bow and seek forgiveness for our sins He forgives and we are not seperated from His Love. But we are seperated from His Love when we refuse Him and sin against Him, and everytime we come to Him He forgives, His Love is endless, He is a Father that doesn’t give up.

I want God to use me more, and I know that it is not going to be a popular moments but someone has to make a stand for God and His truth which sets us free.